


to be a leader

by GoatVibesOnly



Series: Moth Rising 'verse [4]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, Leader Ceremonies, Medicine Cats (Warriors), Minor Character Death, StarClan (Warriors), Warrior Ceremonies, because you know... it's starclan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28484022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoatVibesOnly/pseuds/GoatVibesOnly
Summary: “Are you ready?”“No.”“Good. A good leader knows she’ll never be ready. A great leader knows to take that final step anyways.”It's time to receive nine lives.
Series: Moth Rising 'verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882363
Kudos: 10





	1. before

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Here's a short something I started writing on a whim. I think this would be a more meaningful reading experience if you've read my other works in this series, but it's not required! If you have not read the series, here is some useful context:
> 
> -This takes places in the lake territories many years after the events of the current series.  
> -This takes place about four/five years after the events in Moth Rising.  
> -These cats are much more LGBT+-friendly than they are in Erin Hunter's works, with many characters being gay, poly, trans, etc. Mothfall herself is aroace.

A thick silence fell over the clearing as low wails cut through the soft light like claws. 

“She was a great leader,” Grasseyes murmured. He remained huddled against the wall, unwilling to touch the quickly fading moonbeams splattered through the ShadowClan camp. “She was a guide, confidant, friend, and more.”

“She became leader during one of the harshest droughts I’d ever seen,” Acorntuft added, leaning into his friend’s side. “We were young, then, and unable to grasp the severity of the situation. But Berrystar kept ShadowClan united until the seasons changed and the rain returned.”

“I remember when she told me how she got her scar,” Heavysong rumbled, staring down at his large paws. His mate Beechtail rubbed her cheek against his as he spoke. “She told me fought off an entire patrol of SkyClan warriors single-pawed. Due to her bravery, we didn’t lose our that day, and we had enough land to hunt on to feed our Clan for the rest of Leaf-Bare.”

Acorntuft shook his head, his rumpled fur even more messy than usual as he buried his face in his paws. “ShadowClan won’t be the same without her.”

Mothfall’s heart ached as she joined her Clanmates in grieving for their fallen leader. Berrystar had passed away slowly, not with the grand death in battle she had always craved; her life had leached away bit by bit as an infection took hold in the old injury scarring her leg and spread throughout her body. Mothfall knew Berrystar’s passing had been coming, but even with the extra time to prepare, Mothfall felt woefully inadequate for what she was about to do. 

She bowed her head as Ambereye stepped out of the shadows around the edge of camp, head bowed in reverence as he skirted around the edges of moonlight. He examined the still black-and-white body, expression almost tender, before resting one of paw gently on her side. “Berrystar hunts with StarClan now,” he announced. “May StarClan light your path, Berrystar. May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep.” He nodded to the elders, who started to rise to their paws. “It is time.”

At Mothfall’s side, Ferntooth hissed. On Ferntooth’s other side, a fluffy gray-brown molly wrapped her tail around her mate, but she shook it off and rolled to her paws. “I can’t stand this anymore. I’m going to go blow off some steam.”

Mothfall tail quivered. “You’re leaving camp?”

The dark ginger molly nodded tersely. “I’m going hunting.” As she met her sister’s eyes, her fierce yellow gaze softened, and she rubbed her muzzle against Mothfall’s furry cheek. “If I don’t see you before you leave for the moonpool… good luck.”

The gray-brown molly gasped and stood up, fur rising along her spine as she barred Ferntooth’s path to the entrance. “But you can’t leave,” Beelight protested. “What if you become so focused on you’re hunting that you don’t pay attention tow here you’re going, and you accidentally jump into a beam of moonlight? You know it’s bad luck to touch moonlight on the night a Clanmate dies.”

Ferntooth glanced at Berrystar’s dead body lying in the center of camp and dug her claws into the ground. “Then I’ll deal with some bad luck. But if I stay here, I’m going to claw someone’s ears off. Besides, it’s already past moonhigh. It’ll be dawn soon enough.”

Beelight started to protest, but a small tortoiseshell tom stepped forward, pressing his nose to her neck. “Let her go.” He nodded at Ferntooth. “Stay safe, love. Keep an eye out for Adderpelt, if you can. I saw him sneak out earlier. I think things were getting too overwhelming for him.”

“Of course.” Ferntooth touched her nose to both of her mates, surprisingly gentle compared to the fur rising along her hackles and her tail lashing back and forth. “I’ll make sure Adderpelt’s doing okay if I run into him.”

As the elders carried Berrystar’s body to the camp entrance, Ferntooth slipped by as silently as a shadow, disappearing into the night. 

As Mothfall turned her attention away from her sister, she noticed Ambereye approaching, his expression somber. Now he no longer avoided the moonlight; in the moonlight his pelt turned silver, making it impossible to determine where his golden-brown fur ended and his grayed muzzle started.

He dipped his head as he approached. He carried a bundle of herbs in his mouth, which he dropped at her paws. “Are you ready?” he asked. 

Mothfall’s heart thudded in her chest. “Now? So soon?”

Ambereye nodded. “If we leave now, we can make it back just after moonrise tomorrow, in time for you to select a deputy. Eat these traveling herbs. You won’t be allowed to eat until you come back to camp, so these will sustain you.” 

Mothfall glanced around her, suddenly paranoid that every cat of ShadowClan was staring. She wished desperately that Ferntooth and Adderpelt hadn’t left camp to seek solace in the forest outside.

As if sensing her distress, Ambereye pressed his nose to her cheek. “Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.”

“Okay,” said Mothfall, though she wasn’t. 

Ambereye nodded and stepped back. “As the next leader, you’re allowed to step into the moonlight in order to get to the moonpool,” he said in a low voice. "It'll disappear soon enough anyways. Dawn's not far off."

Paws trembling, swallowed the herbs he gave her (bitter, tangy) and followed him into the center of camp. The moonlight felt cold, and she shivered as it turned her ginger fur silver. 

They passed her old mentor, Shortleg, near the entrance to camp, talking in a low voice to Meadowstripe and Rapidfoot. Rapidfoot seemed shaken and wide-eyed, but otherwise okay, but his mate had curled up at his paws and covered his eyes with his paws, moaning softly. Shortleg crouched down next to Meadowstripe, offering words of encouragement. They glanced up as Mothfall approached, and their blue eyes lit up. “I’ll be right back,” they murmured to Rapidfoot, who nodded numbly, and held their club foot close to their belly as they limped over.

“How are you doing?” Mothfall asked stiffly, unsure what else she could possibly say. Her own heart ached as if opened anew as she pictured Berrystar’s cold, lifeless body, leaving camp for the last time. 

“As good as I can be, given the circumstances,” Shortleg told her. They must have seen the stricken look on her face, because their expression softened as they added, “You’re going to do just fine. I know it. You were my apprentice, remember, so you have to believe me when I tell you that you have a good head on your shoulders.”

“Thanks,” Mothfall said, ears burning at the compliment. “Listen, I have something I want to ask you.”

“Oh?” Shortleg’s ears angled forward, giving their full attention to her.

Her words fell out in a rush. “When I get back, I want you to be my deputy.” 

The gray cat blinked and pulled back in surprise. “You really think that I’m the cat for the job?” they asked quietly. 

“Of course,” Mothfall assured them. “Only if you want to, of course. But you’re calm, experienced, and like you said before, you know how to handle me.”

“I think it's more likely that _you_ know how to handle _me_ ,” Shortleg purred, but the sound died as quickly as it started. “I never dreamed of becoming a deputy. I thought you would have picked your sister.”

“I love Ferntooth, but she can be just as stubborn as me,” Mothfall confessed, “And her love for her mates and kits would blind her to any issues regarding them. I know you love your sister and nieces and nephew,” she added, glancing across the clearing towards Smallheart, who held her kits as if she was trying to squeeze the life out of them. “But you know how to care about other cats, too.” Mothfall motioned to Rapidfoot and Meadowstripe behind them. “Think about it,” Mothfall urged them. “You can give me your decision when I get back.”

Shortleg swallowed thickly. “Who would you pick if I said no?”

“To be honest?” Mothfall gazed around the clearing, taking in the cats of ShadowClan. “I have no clue.”

Shortleg snorted, then shook their head. “You have too much faith in me.”

“Mothfall,” Ambereye called out. “Are you done yet?”

Mothfall glanced at Shortleg, and the older gray warrior nodded for her to go on. She blinked affectionately before bounding after the medicine cat, heart racing. 

The journey to the moonpool was uneventful. As the sun rose and tinged the sky pink, they hugged the lake, keeping within three tail-lengths of the water's edge at all times. Mothfall kept one eye on the forest to their side, expecting to see a ThunderClan or SkyClan patrol round the corner and demand to know what they were doing. But the way was quiet and they passed through without a word. 

Mothfall shivered with anticipation as they approached the moonpool. Though she knew ShadowClan’s territory like the back of her paws, she was less familiar with the other Clans, and especially with the path leading up to the moonpool. Mothfall’s nerves caused her to tremble, and she stumbled more than once, banging her paws against the rocks lining their path.

“Mouse dung!” she muttered. Truth be told, even if she wasn't so nervous, she couldn't expect herself to do much better; her coordination disorder meant her motor control was poor, and her pawpads bore thick callouses for all of the wear-and-tear she put them through.

Ambereye swished his tail. “Be careful,” he warned, affection tinging his voice. “I can’t have you tripping and dying before you get your nine lives.”

“Look on the bright side. If I did, you would bear witness to an amazing story to tell the Clans for generations,” Mothfall muttered. 

Ambereye purred in amusement. He turned his gaze upwards, where the rocky entrance into the moonpool lay. “Before the Clans came to the lake, it was tradition for all apprentices to travel to Mothermouth,” Ambereye told her as they climbed up the hill leading to the rocky entrance.

“What's Mothermouth?”

“It was the place where medicine cats went to communicate with their ancestors before they came to the lake. The tradition was largely forgotten by the time they came here.”

“Why did they do that?” Mothfall asked. “Bring apprentices to Mothermouth, I mean.”

Ambereye flicked his ear. “Why did our ancestors do anything? Your guess is as good as mine.”

“I wish _I_ had come here before,” Mothfall said sourly as she knocked her paws against another rock. “Then I might be able to walk up there without hitting every rock known to catkind.”

As the sun sank towards the bottom of the sky, they reached the entrance, slipping down the path. Ambereye’s paws fit neatly into the paw prints worn into the rocks made over generations of cats pressing through. Unable to judge the distances correctly, Mothfall slipped over the pawholds, stumbling down and nearly knocking Ambereye over. 

“Sorry!” she gasped, picking herself up and scrambling away. 

“It’s fine,” Ambereye told her, voice even. His whiskers flicked in amusement. “I know how you move and what to expect.”

“A clumsy leader is a lousy one,” Mothfall muttered. “Berrystar never tripped.” Her eyes grew wide. “Oh, stars, I’m going to misjudge my distance and fall when climbing up the Pine Branch in camp, or the big oak tree during a gathering!”

“So don’t climb it,” Ambereye soothed. “Sit underneath it, like Berrystar did. No cat ever thought less of her for it.”

“Yeah, well, cats seem all too eager for excuses to think less of me,” Mothfall meowed sourly. 

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Ambereye said. He pressed her nose against her forehead. “You are a wonderful cat, and I am proud to call you my Clanmate and leader.” When he stepped back, his eyes shone with pride. “Are you ready?”

“No.”

“Good. A good leader knows she’ll never be ready. A great leader knows to take that final step anyways.” Ambereye cleared his throat and turned towards the moonpool. The lake must look magical at night, Mothfall though, but right now it looked just like any other small body of water. “Press your nose to the water's surface.”

Mothfall’s eyes widened as she struggled to take in everything around her. “Will you be there with me?”

Ambereye shook his head. “This is one part of the journey you must make by yourself.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Taking small steps until her white paws just barely grazed the edge of the water, Mothfall leaned down and brushed her nose to its surface. The icy water stung her nose, and when she pulled back, pawing at her muzzle and blinking, she wasn’t at the moonpool anymore. 

She stood in a shadowy pine forest much like her home, but the air carried the scent of starlight and mystery. She glanced around, searching for Ambereye, but just as he promised he was nowhere to be found. The trees shook, and she glanced up, her eyes widening as the stars moved overhead. As she watched, they plucked themselves out of the sky and fell, picking up speed as they barreled downwards.

She winced, bracing herself for the worst, but her fear turned to awe as the stars shifted and morphed into the shimmery, starlight-dusted bodies of cats. Within heartbeats, nine cats stood in a semi-circle before her, their fur glowing softly. 

Peering closer, Mothfall realized she recognized the star-covered cats. _Berrystar!_ Though she and Berrystar butt heads more often than not, affection welled in her chest and she longed to cry out at the sight of her leader. _And that’s Briarstreak!_ How good it was to see the old mollies, side by side, still fast friends even in death. _And there's Willowgaze, and-_

"Welcome, Mothfall." Berrystar rose to her paws, nodding deferentially. “Are you ready to receive your nine lives?”

She wasn’t, and didn’t think she ever would be. Not even knowing what to expect, Mothfall stuck her chin out as she replied, “Yes,” and her voice only quivered a little.


	2. during

At Berrystar’s side, Briarstreak rose to her paws. Berrystar flicked her tail against Briarstreak’s legs, nudging her on, and the old dark brown molly padded forward. The scars she had gained in her youth were gone, as were her ragged fur and perpetual cough of her last days. She held her chin high as she approached. 

Mothfall had never been particularly close to the old deputy, but Briarstreak had stood up for her against Berrystar when it mattered most, and she would never forget that. When Briarstreak stopped a mouse-length away, Mothfall realized the molly was still blind, and didn’t know exactly where Mothfall stood. She tried to step forward and close the gap between them, but her paws were frozen in place. She craned her neck forward, instinctively understanding she must press their noses together. 

“With this life, I give you tireless energy. May it give you the strength to act without fear.”

Mothfall had had a few ideas of how this might play out, but she wasn’t expecting her heart to race with joy as her bones filled with the feeling of running confidently through the forest, lost in the exhilaration of the hunt and the chase. She knew every tree, rock, dip and rise on her territory like her own paws, and nothing could catch her off guard. For the first time, Mothfall understood how Briarstreak could move so confidently without the use of her eyes, and hoped that she, too, would one day be able to move with the same ease. 

“Thank you,” Mothfall whispered as Briarstreak stepped back. The old molly flicked her tail, but didn’t speak. 

A golden-brown tabby molly stepped up in her place. Mothfall’s stomach flopped as she recognized Seedshade, Beelight’s sister. Seedshade pressed her nose to Mothfall’s. “With this life, I give you justice. Use it well to act in the face of oppression, and to never give up your cause.”

Mothfall gasped as fire flared in her lungs and heart, urging her to strike down the injustice that had done her wrong. This life was not at all the pleasant, exhilarating sensation of Briarstreak’s. She gasped for breath, panic flaring as she struggled to breathe, drowning in the overwhelming drive to strike down wrongdoing. 

Then a calm coolness settled over her, and the space in her lungs cleared, and she inhaled deeply. She stared at Seedshade with wide eyes as she stepped back. Was that what it felt like when she had died of greencough, knowing it was an injustice that her life had been stripped from her?

While she was still struggling to process this information, a silver tabby tom rose to his paws. The last time she had seen him he had been stick thin and dull-eyed from sickness. Now his sleek pelt flowed over round, full sides, and his green eyes sparkled with warmth and light. 

“Willowgaze,” Mothfall breathed. 

The silver tom’s tail flicked in recognition, but he didn’t respond. He pressed his nose to Mothfall’s. “With this life, I give you love. Use it well to care for your Clan as a father cares for his kits.” A searing heat coursed through her, and fury flooded her senses as she was overwhelmed with a drive to attack any cat that dared harm the weaker, faceless shadows that crouched by her paws. Burning underneath that fury was a deep, instinctual love, warming her bones and strengthening her resolve. 

With a jolt, Mothfall recognized the love and affection that Willowgaze felt for his own family, even though his kits had grown up and stopped relying on him for help long before he passed away. “I know you are not able to feel the love a cat might feel for his mate, and you will likely never have a mate of your own. But always remember that your Clan are your kits. Guide them well.” As he backed off, Willowgaze’s eyes flooded with warmth and pain. Mothfall knew he was remembering his family back in ShadowClan, who were moving on without him.

Before she could speak, a different cat stepped forward, and Mothfall recognized the large, dark form of Frogjump. The black molly had been Ambereye’s apprentice when Mothfall was a young warrior, until the same greencough epidemic that took Seedshade and Willowgaze’s life took her own. Although the two had never been close, Mothfall felt a certain affection for her due to the time they had spent together while Ambereye taught Mothfall how to manage her disability.

Frogjump’s green eyes flickered with wry amusement as she approached. “I thought I’d seen the last of you when I died.” Her gaze softened, and she leaned forward to press her nose to Mothfall’s. “With this life, I give you common sense. Use it well to stay safe, live long, and keep yourself out of the medicine den.”

After the last two lives, hers was a relief, and a wave of warmth and compassion flowed through Mothfall. As it flowed through and out of her, a sense of obligation followed, settling in and nestling among her fur like fleas, as Mothfall understood that the health of the entire Clan depended on her. 

As the sensations faded, she blinked. “But I have to go to the medicine den. If I don’t do my exercises with Ambereye every morning, I won’t be able to walk.”

Frogjump didn’t respond, but her whiskers twitched in amusement as she stepped back. 

Her space was replaced by a small brown molly, her fur still kit-soft and eyes sparkling with excitement. Guilt wracked Mothfall’s heart as she recognized Wildpaw, her sister’s kit who had passed away during her apprenticeship when a cold had festered into a lung infection. “I’m so sorry,” Mothfall told her, voice low. “You deserved a long, happy life. I hope you know that your siblings miss you very much.”

Wildpaw shook her head. No resentment showed in her eyes as she craned her neck upwards to graze Mothfall’s nose. “With this life, I give you hope. Use it well and never give up, even when you face your darkest hour.”

Mothfall had expected this life to be gentle and warm, like Frogjump’s, and she gasped as fire coursed through her veins, choking out her lifeblood until she felt certain she was going to suffocate. The only thing keeping her going was the steady certainty that somewhere, somehow, the feeling would end, and one day she’d feel joy again. As Wildpaw stepped back, Mothfall strained to follow, longing to tell Wildpaw of everything that had happened with her siblings in the time she was gone, but her muscles were stuck in place as if frozen.

The next cat glided into place: a round, long-furred molly with fur so golden it glowed, her green eyes sparkling as she approached. “Greetings, Mothfall. You may have heard of me. My name is Appleblossom, and I lived in ShadowClan many moons before you were born. I am Ambereye’s grandmother, and I was the one who encouraged him on the path of becoming a medicine cat.”

Grandmother? Mothfall frowned. “I’m sorry. He’s never mentioned you.”

Some indiscernible emotion flickered in Appleblossom’s gaze - disappointment, maybe - but it was gone as quickly as it came. She pressed her nose against Mothfall’s. “With this life, I give you guidance, both giving and receiving,” she said. “Use it well to listen to your heart, but also to those around you.”

A soft breath tickled Mothfall’s whiskers, and she felt the echoes of cats brushing up against her, offering their support and seeking her consul. A heavy weight settled onto her shoulders as she felt the enormity of her actions, and the actions she advised for others. Despite the warmth on her whiskers, her heart felt unsettled as Appleblossom pulled away. She turned her attention towards the line of cats, hoping that her next life would be more pleasant. 

Her paws grew cold as she saw who was next. “Pricklepaw,” Mothfall gasped. 

Truth be told, she had thought about the apprentice less and less as the moons had passed since her death, but at the sight of the young tortoiseshell-and-white molly it all came rushing back - shadowing Pricklepaw’s warrior assessment with her father, forced to watch helplessly as a tree branch fell and crushed her. Mothfall, then an apprentice herself, had rushed to get help, but it was too little too late, and Pricklepaw found her way to StarClan not long after. 

Mothfall flinched, expecting to find reproach or resentment, but Pricklepaw’s gaze showed only calm wisdom and peace. “Mothfall. With this life I give you forgiveness and compassion. Use it well when dealing with your Clan - and yourself. Trust that you are making the right choice based on the information that you have, and never blame your past self for not having the knowledge of your present self.”

Her life crackled through Mothfall’s pelt like lightning, and smoothed over like soothing rain, swirling around her and swaddling her like a mother wrapped around her kits. Mothfall’s green eyes watered as Pricklepaw pulled away. 

Mothfall’s vision sharpened and an unfamiliar gray and white tabby tom stepped forward. He had the lean, slender body and large ears of a WindClan cat, but Mothfall was sure she’d never seen him before.

The tom dipped his head as he stood before her. “You never met me, but my name is Thistlepaw. I was one of Featherflight’s best friends when we were apprentices.”

Mothfall quivered. An apprentice? He looked old to be an apprentice; she would have guessed he was a young warrior. 

She had met Featherflight through her brother and his mate, Smokeheart. Though she hadn’t known him for very long, Mothfall was certain that Featherflight didn’t have many close friends leading up to the time he left WindClan. “What happened?” she asked quietly. 

Thistlepaw shook his head, unable, or unwilling, to answer. “My last days were filled with laughter, games, and good moods, and that’s what I choose to remember. With this life, I give you friendship and fun. Use it well, and remember that sometimes the best way to continue forward is to take a break. Always remember to enjoy the time you have with your friends and family. You can’t fight for your Clan if you don’t take the time to remember what you’re fighting for.” He shook his head. “And sometimes you have less time together than you thought.” 

When he didn’t step forward, brown furrowed and tail ticking, Mothfall lowered her head. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. Whatever happened to him, it seemed that he hadn’t moved on completely, even in the serenity of StarClan’s hunting grounds. 

He blinke, seeming to come back to his senses, before stepping forward and pressing his nose to hers. Mothfall shivered as her fur burned pleasantly as if warmed by a stray sunbeam, and her heart glowed as if she had spent the evening playing games and relaxing among her family. 

She blinked gratefully at Thistlepaw as he backed off. His life rejuvenated her, and for the first time she felt that maybe, just maybe, she was capable of this leader thing after all. 

Her gaze turned towards the last cat to approach. Berrystar towered over most ShadowClan cats and as she passed Thistlepaw she dwarfed the nimble WindClan tom. Though a large scar still slashed down her leg, she walked proudly and smoothly, without her characteristic limp that Mothfall had known her with her entire life. 

Berrystar dipped her head. “Mothfall.” Despite the reverence in her voice, she still carried the same irreverent scowl she did in life. One of her teeth poked out from her scarred lip; she was just as fierce in death as she was in life. 

Mothfall raised her head and stuck her chin out, meeting her leader’s gaze with only a little tremble. Her heart ached at the sight of her old leader, and she wished again that Berrystar was back at camp and not here in StarClan, and that Mothfall didn’t have to be here tonight.

After a heartbeat, Berrystar nodded. “With this life I give you stubbornness and courage. Use it well to uphold your convictions without wavering.”

As she touched her nose to Mothfall’s, a nonexistent wind whipped around her, and she felt for a moment as if she stood at the edge of a cliff at the top of the world, leader of all she saw. She knew, with the utmost certainty, that she deserved to be leader of ShadowClan, and she belonged _here_ , receiving her nine lives from StarClan. 

Relief swept through Mothfall as Berrystar stepped back, and all nine of the present StarClan warriors rose to their paws. She had done it. Her body felt battered and bruised, as if she had spent the night fighting all of StarClan instead of receiving their blessings, but at the same time her body thrummed with the strength of her new lives. 

“I hail you by your new name, Mothstar,” Berrystar announced. “Your old life is no more. You have now received the nine lives of a leader, and StarClan grants to you the guardianship of ShadowClan. Defend it well; care for young and old; honor your ancestors and the traditions of the warrior code; live each life with pride and dignity.”

“Mothstar! Mothstar!” the cats chanted, greeting her with her new name. 

A blinding light filled the dreamy landscape, and she had to close her eyes to shield them. When she opened them again, she was crouched on the cool stony floor of the Moonpool. The placid water flowed before her, sparkling with light. As her vision cleared, she realized that it was not the same daylight she had seen before, and that darkness surrounded the moonpool. The starry body of water glittered and glowed, so still that the crescent moon shone onto it like a perfectly still cat’s claw. 


	3. after

She jerked back, wincing as her cramped muscles complained at the sudden movement.

A warm nose pressed against her fur. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” She blinked as the golden-brown shape of Ambereye swam into her blurry vision. “Just stiff, that’s all. How long was I out?”

“Long enough,” Ambereye said. “We should head back soon. But take a moment to gather yourself,” he added, as the ginger molly tried to stand and staggered back, head swimming. 

“I’m fine,” she assured him, swiping her white paw against her whiskers. “Just overwhelmed. It was… wow.” Her blood still felt as if it was on fire, glowing with the force of the sun, and despite her wiggly muscles she felt as if she could run all the way around the lake without stopping for breath. 

“You were privy to something few cats witness,” Ambereye told her. He wrapped his tail around her side, giving her a comforting presence as he swiped his tongue down her cheek, soothing her. “Even medicine cats do not bear witness to a leader’s ceremony. But you must never tell anyone what you saw.”

“I don’t know how I would even begin if I wanted to,” she exclaimed, tail wrapping tightly around her white paws. “It was beyond description.” Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that this meant she couldn’t ask Ambereye about Appleblossom. Not directly, at least.

After a heartbeat, she rose to her paws again, tail ticking. “I think I’m ready now.”

“Wonderful,” Ambereye purred. “Then let me be the first to call you by your new name… Mothstar.” 

The name made her shiver. Mothstar. _That’s me!_

THe sky darkened inky black as they made their way out of the moonpool and down the rocky cliffs towards the lakeside. Despite her new name, and the power flowing through her blood, Mothstar was both heartened and surprised by how very much the same she felt. She knocked her paws against the rocks, same as she always did. 

“There’s something I have to tell you,” Ambereye told her as they started to round the side of the lake, and Mothstar no longer had to pour her concentration into not slipping on the rocks. “About your nine lives.”

“Oh?” Mothstar asked, speeding up under she was at Ambereye’s side. The golden-brown tom eyed her warily with his amber and not-so-amber eyes, worry flickering in their depths. “Should I be concerned?”

“What? Oh, no, it’s not like that. I just want you to understand how it works.”

“Works?” Mothstar echoed. “I have nine lives, and nine chances to live, don’t I?”

“Not quite,” Ambereye told her. “You’re not infallible. Once you die, that’s it. However, if you are badly injured in battle, or fall to disease, in the moments in between life and death, you will be given another chance, and a little boost from StarClan, in order to keep going.”

“Huh?” Mothstar frowned. “How is that different?”

“Let me give you an example,” Ambereye said. “Remember when Berrystar had greencough, and she was deathly ill until suddenly she wasn’t? Some said she had lost a life. In actuality, she had gotten so ill she had almost died, but StarClan’s blessing had kept her just on the brink of life until her body was naturally able to overcome the illness. Even if she had spent her entire life in her den, avoiding all injury and disease, she would have eventually died anyways, due to old age. StarClan’s blessing does not make you immortal. Understand?”

“I think so.” Mothstar said. “Why don’t all of the Clans know about this?”

“It started because leaders did not want their Clanmates to fear that their leaders were just as susceptible to falling in battle as they were,” Ambereye said. “At this point, it’s little more than superstition. But we Clans are full of superstition, are we not?”

Mothstar shook her head. “So this tradition we keep, but not the one where we bring apprentices to the moonpool?”

Ambereye flicked his tail. “You’re welcome to tell the others, if you want. But before you do, I ask you to think about the consequences of your actions.”

“The other leaders wouldn’t be happy that their secret was out. And my warriors probably wouldn’t, either.” Mothstar frowned. “I see what you mean.”

“It’s a delicate balance, and it must be walked carefully,” Ambereye agreed. 

The rest of the walk passed with little of note. The Leaf-Fall breeze gusted across the lake and cut through their fur, promising that Leaf-Bare would arrive soon. Mothstar’s stomach growled; she hadn’t eaten in almost a full day, and the herbs Ambereye had given her to sustain her must be wearing off. 

They ran into a ThunderClan patrol, who congratulated Mothstar on her new name and offered their condolences towards Berrystar. 

By the time they arrived in camp, Mothstar’s paws and heart ached, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep for a moon. But she was leader now, and she had responsibilities. Cats gathered around her, offering congratulations on her new name. Ferntooth purred so hard it made Mothstar shake, and even Adderpelt, who normally found the camp too noisy to be comfortable, was waiting to congratulate her. 

She met Shortleg’s eye, and the cat nodded. Relief swept through Mothstar. They had been right, she would have loved to have her sister, or maybe even nephew Adderpelt, as deputy, but right now she needed a level-headed, well-respected warrior as her second, and that cat was Shortleg. 

The moon soared above her head as she hobbled below the Pine Branch and called a Clan meeting. Maybe one day she would speak to her Clan from on top of the branch. But right now her paws felt like stones and trying to jump onto anything would be her downfall. 

“I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ShadowClan is Shortleg.”

As cats called out the gray-flecked warrior’s name, Mothstar had hoped that joy would spark in her heart, but all she felt was exhaustion. She started to drag herself towards the warriors’ den before realizing that it wasn’t her den anymore. Daunted, she turned towards the leader’s den, but hesitated outside the entrance. 

“Are you okay?” 

Mothstar didn’t turn around to face the medicine cat. “No.”

“It’ll be hard,” Ambereye assured her, “But you’re strong. You’ll be fine. Just give it time.”

“I’m not as strong as Berrystar.”

“Of course not.”

Mothstar’s ears flicked back in surprise, and she turned to glance at the golden-brown tom warily. 

“That’s because you’re not her. The only cat as strong as Berrystar is Berrystar. You’re as strong as Mothstar.”

“And is that enough?”

Ambereye purred. “That’s plenty.”

Mothstar nodded, but her heart fell when she glanced back at the leader’s den. “It’ll be lonely. And it still smells like her.”

“And it’ll stay that way, unless you go inside.”

She tried to step forward, but her paws were frozen in place. But this time it wasn’t because of StarClan’s magic, but because of her own cowardice. “And I will. But not tonight.” She turned towards Ambereye, her green eyes pleading. “Can I stay with you? Just for tonight.”

“What?” Ambereye’s tail fluff out in surprise. “Traditionally, the leader has to sleep in the, well, leader’s den. It was made for her, after all.”

“But I’m the leader, aren’t I? If I want to stay somewhere else, who will stop me? The medicine den is as much a home to me as the warriors’s den. StarClan knows I’ve spent my fair share of nights there.” She sighed. “My sister has her mates, Shortleg has their sister… Who do we have?”

“The Clan,” Ambereye answered. “They’re like kits to me. And as leader, they should be to you, as well.”

“I’m a part of your Clan,” Mothstar pressed. “But you won’t keep me company for tonight?”

Ambereye hesitated. “It’s not traditional.”

“Tradition is what you make of it,” Mothstar insisted. “And my new tradition says that the leader can sleep anywhere she likes. That includes the medicine den.”

After a heartbeat, Ambereye nodded. “Just for tonight.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

Silently, the two of them slipped into the medicine den, where they were greeted by Ambereye’s confused by placant apprentice, Grasseyes. Mothstar settled down into the nest she always slept in when she was a patient, and the familar scent of herbs washed over her, and slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! That's it! It's a short thing, which I split into chapters just as an experiment. (I'm never sure if I prefer fewer longer chapters, or more shorter chapters.) Anyways, here's just a fun little thing that I wrote, and I hope my readers enjoy. :) 
> 
> Thanks as always to FloatingVampireJesus, who was gracious enough to help me work out the kinks in my take on how a leader's nine lives work. This is probably the biggest canon divergent thing I've done in this series so far (besides all the gay cats haha) but it doesn't really change much about how the leaders function, so I hope it goes over okay. I've just always felt that literally having 9 lives was way too OP, and I needed a way to rectify that.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed!!


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